What’s With All These Irish Dudes?: Questions My Retail Job Has Answered

why is everyone crumpling dollar bills?
When someone hands me a hundred dollar bill at the register, I have two options. I can either hit a bunch of buttons on my computer screen and triple check all the security numbers and anti-counterfeit measures. Or…I can crumple it. You see, all American dollar bills are made with cotton. When it’s mashed up, it will expand and “poof” up a little bit. Counterfeit bills are made out of paper and will not. Granted, the looks on people’s faces when I crush their hard earned money is probably the best part.
can I eat this masterwok sesame chicken platter in ten minutes?
When someone skimps you on a meal break, this is not only doable, this is NECESSARY.
how much meth has our security guard done?
Norm enjoys chatting with me every time I work the front room. Whenever I end up closing, he tells me his exploits as a young boy in the sixties. If you ever get bored of his talk of drug use, by all means get him started on how many illegitimate children he might have (that he doesn’t know about) or how many “nasty theifs” came through the shop today. That he didn’t apprehend because he was talking to me.
do you have this in the back in a size six short?
NO. NO WE DON’T. I DOUBT THAT CORPORATE EVEN MAKES THIS SIZE ANYMORE DUE TO HOW MANY PEOPLE DAILY ASK FOR THIS.
THE SIX SHORT DOES NOT EXIST. /DOES NOT EXIST/
what’s with all the Irish dudes?
I know, it’s Boston, but even for THAT. Loads of Irish dudes. Once I rang out five of them within an hour or so – I ended up asking the last guy, “Hey, what’s the deal?” Turns out, it’s insanely easy to get a summer visa to Boston if you’re originally from Ireland. So they all haul over here, rack up in Allston, and end up shopping at this crummy mall in Cambridge. Ah, the American Dream. Anyway, I don’t mind the accents and I definitely don’t mind the boyish charm. And asking how to spell “O’Dallahan” for the fifth time.
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One comment

  1. Ha, this was so interesting and funny to read!

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